We’re going to be scattering my father’s ashes in the ocean off Waikiki and the Ala Wai Boat Harbor tomorrow afternoon in a semi-private memorial. A few friends, neighbors, and family. He will have the honor of being carried out by the Waikiki Surf Club’s classic Koa canoe, Malia. I think he would be pleased.
In the past few days, we’ve been trying to get the event organized. At the same time, we finally received the official certified copies of his death certificate, and the bureaucracy grinds on. Notifying insurers, financial institutions, the agent that processed a tiny retirement check every month from the employer he left in 1959. No real surprises yet, just a routine repeated over and over.
I selected a few photos to display tomorrow. This is one of them, showing my parents back in 1939. It was likely taken just before they were married in December of that year. I don’t have a negative, or a decent print. This is scanned from a tiny proof print, just the size of the original negative, which is missing. Even with all this, it’s one of my favorites. Their expressions point so vividly to a future they couldn’t imagine at the time. I wonder if ever thought they would eventually look back at this some 70 years later? Doubtful.
I will probably be expected to say something tomorrow afternoon about my dad. I don’t know what it will be.
He was a person who left a mark in the history of Hawaii surfing and paddling by creating and promoting organizations that democratized ocean sports. He was a small business owner who operated on a handshake and a person’s word. But he was a person with flaws and faults, as we all are. Knowing too much may not be the best thing at times like this.
In any case, I hope things will return to relative normalcy by the beginning of next week.
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Best wishes to you and your mother and sister, Ian. Hope it doesn’t rain.
Ian, my sympathies with you and your family during this time of loss. I have come to know your father through your postings, and I am glad you had all those memories to share. May they comfort you during this difficult time.
Ian,
I imagine Waikiki Surf Club will have enough canoes to satisfy your needs… if for some reason you need another canoe or two to take people out for the scattering, I would be more than happy to help.
Aloha,
Rachel (Waikiki Beach Boys Canoe Club)
Say that, flaws and all.
I can relate to the quandary about how much/little to say and how specific to be in either case.
I was delegated the task of giving the family’s remarks at my mother’s memorial service and what to say and how to say it didn’t come to me until days beforehand, and from an unexpectyed source to boot. I focused on the good and acknowledged the bad — in muted terms — by telling stories about her that illustrated each. As you said about your Dad’s likely reaction to being carried out to see by the koa canoe, I think she would have been pleased. You alreadt have the kernel of your remarks in the penultimate paragraph above.
Putting my relationship to and understanding of my Mom in order — the tallying of accounts in a life now complete — was a transforming experience and I think you will find it the same. Just remember, what your mind has put in order your heart may turn unexpectedly to mush as you speak. I was surprised but cleansed by the tears.
Can’t do worse than me at my Dad’s service there at Punchbowl back in 2002. At the “dais” there, I turned into a whimpering, weeping bowl of runny Jello.
yes, tears will have their say, whatever words we plan.
Normalcy is overrated.
Take this opportunity to reflect and reminisce about good times with your Dad, and the legacy he left you, and to share that with your family and closest friends.
Ian: sorry to hear about your dad’s passing. I knew your dad because of our common interest in boating. I have a sailboat near your dad at the Alawai and I recall memorable times chatting with him about boating. I found your dad to be humble, resourceful and always a gentleman. Thanks for sharing stories and photos of him.