Good advice from a FB post of a friend, Lora Williams Helmer, formerly of Honolulu.
Dealing with my sister’s situation has been a rather rude wake-up call for us. I admit that thinking about such possibilities is depressing, and it’s hard to get motivated to do the work. But then something happens and you quickly realize that the time to get affairs in order is before you desperately wish you had already done it.
People, get Durable Powers of Attorney for each other NOW. And get your end of life wishes stated now. These documents are in place for me and Brian Helmer, and I couldn’t be more grateful for the ability to assume the responsibilities I have now, with our best interests at heart.
Many folks say “what, me?” Well, look at us. Do it. Make your lives easier when the stress is especially high.
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I got a wake up call much like this recently with my Mom’s health out in Kaaawa. Because my own health isn’t good we immediately went into action. It is depressing to focus so much on our death but so is the alternative. I feel better now that it’s done and I’m relieved we didn’t leave it for our kids.
I second your call to people to get this taken care of before it’s too late to make a difference.
I hope this journey will be peaceful and Bonnie is happy with you and Meda being there for her. Blessings on all of you!
I had to help with taking care of a good friend’s “things” after she went into a nursing home. I have been cleaning out at my house ever since. Do not want my kids having to deal with so much “stuff”. Have a living will and power of attorney taken care of. Planning ahead is needed. I do not find it depressing, but a relief to know it is taken care of.
My wife died suddenly just a month and a half ago and I am now going through the process of winding up her affairs, so I know where of I speak. So… you need a will and/or trust, power of attorney, medical/end of life directives, while she is still able to provide the information a list of all her bank accounts, savings accounts, investment accounts, IRAs, life insurance policies, health insurance policies. Make sure that you know where all the documents are like car titles, property deeds, social security cards, Medicare cards and the like. Even if the end is not imminent now, you never know. My wife was fine the previous evening but then was cold in her bed the next morning.
I can tell you it is a bitch. While coping with the loss of a loved one and the resulting disorientation, you (if the job is yours when the time comes) will have to confront the maddening bureaucracy of a dozen different organizations. It will be your fulltime job for several weeks.
My sympathy goes out to you. I do hope that Bonnie recovers from whatever malady she is facing. For you and Meda, be strong and plough ahead one day at a time. (Trite I know but…)
Thank you. I am sorry to hear your story, but the advice is excellent.
My parents established their wills, directives at an early age, which made it easier for my brother and I, and then me, at my mothers death. I learned by their example and have everything documented. It is a freeing feeling, not one to fear.