There have been a lot of news stories in the past couple of months about the so-called “imposter syndrome,” the personal belief of even very successful people that they aren’t really qualified for the jobs they are already doing, and often doing quite well.
This hit home for me, since I was definitely a non-traditional recruit into the ranks of reporters for a daily newspaper, and carried a lot of doubts about whether I could do the job.
I sort of boot-strapped myself into a career in journalism. In 1990, after representing Common Cause in Hawaii for five legislative sessions, followed by several years as “senior advisor” to then-Honolulu City Councilmember Neil Abercrombie, I crazily decided to try my hand at self-publishing.
With a Mac Plus computer and an Apple Laserwriter printer, I set up shop and founded Hawaii Monitor, a monthly newsletter on money and politics in Hawaii. It was earn (not much, to tell the truth) while you learn time for me. Fun, and always interesting.
I had to learn how to leverage the major disadvantage I faced, the long interval between issues, and turn it into a positive by investigating and writing about things the many daily reporters covering politics at the time for two Honolulu’s daily newspapers and three competing television stations didn’t have time to report. That often meant digging up details that otherwise would go unreported.
For my troubles, I was sued by then-Honolulu Mayor Frank Fasi. The case was quickly dropped by the mayor, although not before a round of news stories about the case.
I was also targeted by a complaint filed by the University of Hawaii Professional Assembly, the UH faculty union, which alleged I had violated state law requiring confidentiality of complaints filed with the state Campaign Spending Commission. This led to a federal lawsuit, a favorable decision by then-Senior District Judge Alan Kay in support of the First Amendment. You can read his decision here, as well as a decision by the 9th Circuit Court of Appeals rejecting an appeal by the state and affirming Kay’s decision (a case which, by the way, has been cited many times in other following litigation).
Back to the imposter syndrome. In late 1992, I was approached by the Honolulu Star-Bulletin’s managing editor, Dave Shapiro, about joining their staff as an investigative reporter, essentially doing what I had already been doing. After some thought, I jumped at the opportunity.
But I quickly recognized that I came to the position without any of the normal requisites. I had no experience as a working newspaper reporter. I did not have a degree in journalism. In fact, I had never taken a journalism class in high school or college. And now I was in a setting where many reporters, both for our newspaper and news organizations, had gone to UH, worked at the student newspaper, Ka Leo, and knew or knew of each other for years.
If you’re of my vintage, you might recall that cough syrup ad on television where the main character utters what became a famous line, “I’m not a doctor, but I play one on TV.”
I would joke with people I knew along the same line. “I’m not really an investigative reporter, but I play one on TV,” I would say, laughing to cover the truth of the statement.
I came to rely on publications and guides from Investigative Reporters and Editors, “a grassroots nonprofit organization dedicated to improving the quality of investigative reporting. IRE was formed to create a forum in which journalists throughout the world could help each other by sharing story ideas, newsgathering techniques and news sources.”
I spent countless hours studying summaries of award-winning news stories, where the ideas came from, how they were developed, how stories were sourced, as well as IRE’s tips on researching different types of organizations, conducting interviews, and organizing long-term investigative stories. And I devoured IRE’s series of regularly updated books, “Investigative Reporter’s Handbook.”
Luckily, with IRE’s resources, I was able to build on some Hawaii Monitor articles and expand on them for the Star-Bulletin. That bought me time to gain some confidence at what I was “pretending” to be doing.
I’m not sure if you ever really outgrow the “impostor” feeling. A story in the Boston Globe today cites data estimating the 80% of people “face feelings of impostor phenomenon, struggling with the sense they haven’t earned what they’ve achieved and are a fraud.” Even retroactively, it’s good to know that I wasn’t alone.
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You are indeed, NOT alone. At 20 years old, I could not buy a beer in a bar or liquor store. BUT they gave me the keys to the narcotics box at work! In the early 70s, ‘nurse’ meant female. So I felt totally as described. But one thing was in my favor. They mistakenly thought I was ‘smart’ ! They bestowed the power on me. I had some distractors but took it in stride. Thanks for this !
Very interesting, Ian. I am surprised that you never majored in journalism or worked on a student newspaper. Well, your reporter job was serendipity.
You’re done a FABULOUS job ‘pretending’! LOL
I appreciate you sharing your school of hard knocks education. Finding your passion in life and making a living doing it is a gift.
The Lahaina wildfires may have given imposter opportunities and I wonder if any with criminal records or tax issues may have taken the opportunity to change their identities and start a new life
Aloha Ian:
You are a consummate professional not an imposter. I, and many other, admire your work and candor. It takes great courage, intelligence and perserverance to become a pro de novo. That’s doing it the hard way. Consider yourself a role model. Hopefully many others will follow your example.
With admiration and thanks,
John Garvie
Nice piece, Ian. The imposter syndrome is as much a part of the academic arsenal as a hammer is for a carpenter. Speaking of which, when I was a grad student, I complained to my major professor how hard it is to know if I was doing a good job. He said, “If you want to be sure of the results of your work, become a carpenter.”
You’re not alone at all.
As an IT Security Analyst my associates all had a better overall understanding of the discipline.
My expertise was limited to a tiny slice of the IT Security Pie which often left me in the dark in group discussions of threatscapes outside my line of expertise.
I immediately related to the first article I read about “imposter-syndrome” and it’s good to know I’m not alone!
The world could use a few more “pretenders” like you! Thanks for being one. “What’s in a name?”
Could you please provide the link to the decision by Judge Alan Kay? The current link sends me to the Hawaii Monitor issue, which is intriguing (Egads, a 6′ banner!), but I’d also like to look at the decision when I’m not admiring the felines and pups. Thank you.
Yes, I’ll make that correction asap! Thanks for letting me know.
Interesting…Lends credence to the-Fake it ’til you make it crowd
Better than the FA/FO
F#ck Around/Find Out crowd????
The Investigative Reporter’s Handbook has been recently updated, 2020 – 6th edition.
Excellent self reflection Ian. I admire that you are a self-taught investigative reporter who is still making a difference after all these years. You put in the hard work and stick with a story as well as any I-team reporter I know. Congratulations on your most recent award. Well done!
I concur. There is nothing and I repeat nothireng false in the earned title of investigative journalist that is earned in the school of hard knocks.
It is my great relief and pleasure to see media on almost every level and venue full of journalists who have pride in non fake news and reporting on facts concerning world affairs as very good and engaging again. You would make Walter Cronkite proud.
“You are who you think you are” is one of my favorite quotes.