On Friday morning, when my father’s nursing home called and advised that we come as soon as possible, I was at home in Kaaawa without a car. After dressing and walking quickly down to the bus stop on Kamehameha Highway near the post office, I was a minute too late. The 11:01 a.m. bus slid through Kaaawa and headed off towards Kaneohe while I was still a block away. It was a short block, but at that moment it seemed like the longest block in the world.
I was frantic. For nearly two years, we’ve known he could die at any time, but he didn’t. Then, when the day actually arrives, I wasn’t ready, and I wanted to kick myself for being caught unprepared.
Deep breath. A half-hour to go. You just have to wait. Calm down, I said to myself.
![[text]](http://ilind.net/images_2010/swanzy1022.jpg)
So we crossed the street, myself and I, and sat on the seawall behind Swanzy Beach Park to watch the ocean at play. It was quiet, sunny, and clear. There were a few other people in the park, but I was alone with myself and the ocean. I thought about my father’s nearly 97 years, during most of which he swam, surfed, and fished in this same ocean. I let that connection wash over me, and willed it to wash over him as well, wherever he was or would be soon.
The ocean, the healer.
My father died about 12 hours after I finally arrived at his bedside. We were there with him for much of that awful time, but not, I have to say, at the very end.
For the record, my father did not appear in my dreams last night.
Perhaps the ocean did its magic.
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You are an amazing person, Ian. I am certain your Father was very proud of you.
He and you and your whole family are in many peoples thoughts today.
Aloha Ian,
If it is any comfort to you, he’s been doing the work of dying for a long time, and you’ve been with him all along.
As jonthebru said, you and your family are in our thoughts.
I urge you to consider publishing your posts as a book. Your depictions of your father’s last days have been uniformly excellent. They braid memoir, history and day-to-day observations to create a truly poignant narrative relevant to all.
Again, words are inadequate to fill the void left by death. But work sometimes helps.
Best wishes.
He may well appear in your dreams soon. If you “will it” or “program it” it may happen. Thoughts are actions on the other side and it is documented among those that study this kind of thing for decades… you may be able to connect through “dreams” which some say often are actual experiences of “the astral plane”. Sorry if this seems flippant. It is not. Just a hint of what many have learned and experienced since time immemorial and documented since the late 1800’s…
All good wishes to you and Meda, Ian. You’re in my thoughts. aloha, Susan
Your courage and strength during this long and difficult time are an inspiration, Ian. That healing connection you felt while at the ocean is one I hope you will always feel, every morning walk.
aloha, Caroline
My father and I have a deal: when he crosses over, if it’s at all possible, he’ll get back in touch to tell me what’s up. That said, I’ve had subtle signs from those that have passed that all is well. You’ve had a long good bye with your dad, so watch for those subtle signs – it could be documents you stumble across that make a mental connection, a ringing phone, a person who comes into your life with a message, or even an emotion/vision that comes over you that you know is from him – you never know. It’s mysterious and wonderful, this continuum of life.
And, I agree with the person who recommends that you write this down. I feel you have a great story to tell. Your father was present during so many of the major changes that happened in Hawaiian history. Maybe that’s one of your roles in life – to chronicle this journey through the experiences of a normal citizen.
You have been with him throughout
and he is with you always!
You most certainly did NOT miss the bus! Thank you for sharing the chronicle of your father’s life and death
My sincere condolence to you and your family. I bet your Dad was so proud of you and the good man that you have become. Your sharing over the years have sustained many and inspired many more. Your Dad is not far away at all. He will be there when you really need him. You will hear his voice and feel his presence. God bless you Ian.
My condolences to you and your family. Thank you for giving us this window into your father’s life and yours. Aloha.
Death is not the opposit of life; death is part of life. Thank you for sharing your life and your father’s with us. All is as it should be.
Ian… Sorry to read about your father’s passing.
You spent a lot of quality time with him and somewhere, somehow he appreciates that.
While it would be wonderful to be there at the time he passes, what’s most important are the years and days before.
You were there when it mattered.
My father never appeared in my dreams. But as Virginia Woolf once wrote, he did become my “angel in the house”; always present with a comment, praise or other observation. Your dad will most likely present that for you, too. I missed his last 1/2 hour but cried on the 13th of the following two months deeply. It took me the two months to realize that was the anniversary of his death. Grief is a strange, deep thing.
Lora